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Laurel Krahn's weblog since August 1998.

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January 08, 2002

very secret lord of the rings diaries

Is it wrong that these very secret Lord of the Rings diaries crack me up? I can't help it. If you've heard people quoting lines like "pervy hobbit fancier" and "still not king" and "aloof unavailable elf princess," this is where all that came from.

Anyway (these are best read in this order - from top to bottom, that is):

These refer to the events of The Fellowship of the Ring:

Aragorn's diary

Legolas' diary

Boromir's diary

Frodo's diary

Samwise's diary

Gandalf's diary

Pippin's diary

Saruman's diary

Gimli's diary

Meriadoc's diary

Ringwraith No. 5's diary

Gollum's diary

Arwen's diary

Elrond's diary

Sauron's diary

These refer to the events of The Two Towers (and possibly also Fellowship):

Aragorn's diary (part two)

Theoden's diary

(that's it, so far; I'll add links here as more are added)

Note: There has been some confusion ever since I first posted these links. I'm not the author of these diaries, but a mere weblogger who linked to the diaries. Cassie Claire wrote the diaries and posted them first to her livejournal. When I first posted links, there weren't any websites that collected the diaries. Because it's important to read the diaries in order, I linked to separate entries in Cassie Claire's livejournal in order. Anyhow. If you want to talk to Cassie Claire or read the diaries as they are posted, visit Cassieclaire's livejournal.

Posted by Laurel Krahn at 03:32 AM

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Thanks so much! these are very good, especially legolam's, er, legolas's.

Posted by: Anita Rowland at January 8, 2002 12:20 PM

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Heyz~!!..Really cool & ULTIMATELY hilarious..=)..A job definetely well DOne~!! *grin*

Posted by: R.R Berry at March 7, 2002 07:21 AM

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Even as an obsessive Lord of the Rigs fan, I say these are very funny. MWA HA HA. I agree, especially Legolas's. MWA HAA.

Posted by: Morningfluff Baggins at March 14, 2002 10:04 PM

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LoL!! "Still the prettiest" LoL! *cracks up* SO funni! tee hree hree! Can't wait to read Gollum's! *snarf* I wonder who he's into...O_o;; o and u should sooooo do one for bill the pony! lol, it could be like, "Think Sam is obbsesing over me. Am scared. Though rather excited, too.." lol, GREAT job!

Posted by: moomu at March 17, 2002 08:54 PM

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soooooo funny,especially Legolas's not laughed that much in ages!!!

Posted by: Sam at March 29, 2002 12:56 PM

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I recently heard about these diaries from a friend and I love them!!!! Completely hilarious! I just wanted to say that these are genius!!

Posted by: Jessie at March 30, 2002 02:44 PM

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Ok even if you haven't seen the movie these are still the funniest diaries I have ever read...including my sisters....

Posted by: Waffle at April 2, 2002 06:14 PM

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These diaries are sooooooooooooooooooooo good there very funny!!!!!!!!!!!They are just so good it makes you beg to red more of it!!!!!!!!!!!You go!

Posted by: Ayla at April 3, 2002 09:13 AM

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OMG!!!!! I totally laughed my a** off! This is my style of humor and I think it is great. Can't wait to read any new ones.

Posted by: Jen at April 4, 2002 12:40 AM

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These are really funny. But i must tell you-Iam obsessed with Legolas. HE IS THE PRETTIEST!!! lol. He is hot!! I am in love with him!!


Posted by: Erin at April 8, 2002 05:00 PM

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Verryyyy coool... *grinz* I Love it! Hilarious... ESPECIALLY legolas and Arwen.... Quoting : What masculinity?

*thumbz up*

Posted by: SqXnCh at April 13, 2002 01:07 AM

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i love

"Caught Legolas waxing soles of Aragorn?s boots, thus explaining why Aragorn keeps collapsing into his arms. Tricky elf."

it is sooo great

Posted by: cricket at April 14, 2002 07:15 PM

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i laughed and laughed. 'still not king' still cracks me up. once i went on the internet at my school library and me and and a friend couldnt stop laughing cuz of the diaries. the libarian had to come over and tell us to shut up.

Posted by: Ele at April 26, 2002 07:23 PM

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Posted by: tiffanie (legolaspsycho84) at May 19, 2002 09:01 PM

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Hehe, these r soooo funny! couldn't stop laughing even tho i read it over and over again. I love the Legolas diary! LOL,

Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle.

haha, still the prettiest. LMAO, make one for galadriel and the others hehe. Keep them coming!

Posted by: Judy at July 7, 2002 03:18 AM

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These diaries are much, much more than hilarious. As a LOTR obsessive, I laughed for hours. It has been ages since I laughed so hard. And although I hate anyone who makes fun of Frodo or Elijah Wood, here I must make an exception. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make more. Bilbo, Galadriel anyone!!!

Posted by: Galadriel ElvenQueenOfLothlorien at July 11, 2002 06:56 PM

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These are hilarious, great, unforgeteble, wonderfull, amazing, simply the best, well, you get the point now :) Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, make more!!!!

And by the way, I've found different diary of Saruman. If you want to read it, go here:

flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/saruman.htm (without www)!

It's not so hilarious, but it sure is funny.

Posted by: Tandi at July 12, 2002 12:37 PM

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE "Now understand what Gandalf meant about there being scarier things than Orcs." THIS IS THE COOLEST DIARY SET

Posted by: Lulabellias and Tobias at August 5, 2002 06:47 PM

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I read all of these, and i have never laughed so much in my life! Thought i would be offended since i am in love with Boromir, but it's still funny! Loved "There's no Gap in Rohan - not even a Banana Republic"!

Genius. Pure genius!

Posted by: Aranel at September 12, 2002 07:34 AM

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Hi,Do you know Elijah Wood email address if you might know it. Hope to hear from you.

Posted by: Emile Alston at September 17, 2002 09:16 PM

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LEGOLAS IS WICKED HOT.. MINE ALL MINE, i loved ur site, it rocked, especially legolas's it was funny! laters!

Posted by: Shaena at September 30, 2002 05:05 PM

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LOL Oh my god Casse do you know how to tickle someones funny bone,But we must know are you gonna do diaries for lord of the rings the two towersplz do your stories crack me up.

Posted by: kala at November 4, 2002 03:33 PM

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omg the diaries are sooooo funny!!! I was really laughing out loud! heeheehee i gave the link to my friends to they enjoyed it aswell.

Posted by: lotrbabe at November 23, 2002 05:05 PM

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hey, 17yrold brit dude here, cassandra, you are WICKED girl! dont stop!!!! love these diaries. i was reading them in my school library and laughed so hard i did the most embarrising snort. (since that-i still darent enter)

Posted by: indy at November 29, 2002 04:12 PM

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oh, mein gott! you are utterly butterly brilliant! i liked legolas', aragorn's and saruman's the best :S

Posted by: poisondoll at December 1, 2002 10:24 AM

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i loved them, i really like legolas's. "i.e perfect hair, and butt like granite" omg that was the funnest thing i have ever read in my life, make more, ur doing a good job, know that i'v read them, when ever i watch the movie, i always think about what the diary's were talking about and i laugh

Posted by: jessica at December 27, 2002 12:09 AM

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Cassie claire u rock!!

btw there r new diaries for TTT every1 and there r full of hilariousity! not all of them r up yet but they r still v. groovsum. to cassie claires live journal every1 for she is the maker of all that is fab!

Posted by: helen at January 2, 2003 03:27 PM

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i laughed so hard i fell off my bed. Legolas and Aragorn's were my favorites. i can't wait to read more.

Posted by: Kalika at January 5, 2003 06:07 PM

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I think these r the best they r so funny I luv Gandalf's first entry.

I totally agree wiv Erin Legolas is soooooo sexy. These

Posted by: Ecka at January 11, 2003 05:07 AM

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You really need to do one for Faramir and Galadrial. also, maybe one for Celeborn. You are so damn good at this. Well, i just realised how demading i souned. Well, maybe i should say, it would be a good idea if you were too do one for Faramir, Galadrial and Celeborm. hows that sound? well. c-ya anyhow. Bye

Posted by: Kate at January 20, 2003 11:27 PM

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i luved them all!!!

coulddnt pick a favorite....duz anyone else think Aragorn eceptionally hot??


they ROK and i wanna c sum more :)

Posted by: Abby at January 23, 2003 02:35 AM

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He he! have been fan of the diaries since they startd, so am glad to see more and more peeps supporting Cassandra Clare - did u know they do 'sam will kill you if u try anything' and 'still the prettiest' tops? And that Elijah Wood and others have read them? Also, is this a U.K site, cos feel i and friends are the only english peeps who laugh till fall on floor cos of these, and need to be proved that others from U.K love them like me!*grins hopefully*

Posted by: beca at January 23, 2003 10:37 AM

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AWESOME i've sent these to all my friend's and they love them! I think on of the funniest is Gollums personal ad in the Shire Weekly :-)

Posted by: *~*~*~Arwen Undomiel*~*~*~ at January 25, 2003 01:08 PM

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OMG Legolases is SO funy make 1 for tom bomadel qote"kno orks good for some thing".

Posted by: autumn at January 26, 2003 08:56 PM

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I LOVE THE DIARIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think they are great!

I love the one about frodo, Ihave a ? has any of the cast of lord of the rings emailed you?



Wayz keep up the diaries because every one loves them! and my friend would love them and all my other friends would to.

You should post your picture up, and make a book, And you should start doing other movies like Harry Potter or something, or like Dare devil.



Posted by: Cute Kitty at February 11, 2003 01:57 PM

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1 word...AWSOME!!!

Posted by: Shagey at May 31, 2003 04:24 PM

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Cool! Keep writting.

Posted by: Cara at July 21, 2003 07:03 PM

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HAHAHA!! those diaries were hilarious!! I liked Boromir's and Legolas' best.

Posted by: astrid at August 9, 2003 01:47 AM

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lol!!! i love these!!! my friends told me they were funny, but they didn't tell me that they were funny enough to almost make me piss myself! nice find!

Posted by: kaitlynn at August 12, 2003 08:32 AM

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Cassie Claire, a mark of sheer genius!
Keep them coming, cant wait for TTT
'Aloof unavaliable Elf Princess!'

Posted by: fan of pervy hobbit fanciers at September 23, 2003 05:15 AM

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I love Lord Of The Rings.I'm so number 1 fan!!!!I read these diaries every night and they still make me laugh so hard I cry!My fav. is Frodo's and Sam's. qoute *did not know why he sucked my toes but sure it's some sort of elvish medicine*LOL!!I would love if you made more

Posted by: Melissa at October 1, 2003 04:36 PM

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I think it's the funniest thing every time someone says "if he tries anything,Sam will kill him." Also, Legolas is so conceited. "I am afraid I am devloping a tangle" and" I'm still the prettiest." I will never be able to watch the movies again without cracking up. And I agree with everyone that says Elrond doesn't look good in purple.

Posted by: addison at January 19, 2004 12:11 AM

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I think it's the funniest thing every time someone says "if he tries anything,Sam will kill him." Also, Legolas is so conceited. "I am afraid I am devloping a tangle" and" I'm still the prettiest." I will never be able to watch the movies again without cracking up. And I agree with everyone that says Elrond doesn't look good in purple.

Posted by: addison at January 19, 2004 12:11 AM

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I think Aragorn is the hottest guy in the universe, but I've got to admit that the fact that he doesn't wash his hair is a bit of a turn-off. And just because Isildur was a pervy hobbit fancier doesn't mean he has to be. OMG! I wish he was straight, but I guess he is if circles are straight.LOL! I love him anyway. Is that so wrong?

Posted by: Addison at January 19, 2004 12:17 AM

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I think the diaries are wicked. My friend brought them in to school one day and all day I got told off for laughing. I think you should make more for TTT and ROTK. I'll be watching for more!

Posted by: Blackcat13 at January 26, 2004 11:59 AM

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I think Aragorn is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hot and think manly stubble and constantly wet/sweaty hair is such a turn on. Legolas just can't compare. The diaries are hilarious, keep 'em coming.

Posted by: Number 1 LOTR fan at January 26, 2004 12:03 PM

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this is pathetic. i read all these this past summer where are the other TTT diaries or is miss casandra to busy!?!

Posted by: Emily at January 27, 2004 07:31 PM

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really cool!
i love it!i like legolas so much!the wed is awesome~

Posted by: ariel at June 17, 2004 08:33 PM

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These diaries aren't from the people in the lord of the rings.......they don't talk like that......they say " the darkness is rising" you say " it's getting dark out" there is a difference!

Posted by: Alex White at June 24, 2004 01:17 PM

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