Lileks:

Your summer so far:

June. Average temperature: 12 degrees. Amount of daily rain: 39 gallons per square inch per second. You can't go outside, or you'll freeze, drown, drown freezing or freeze while drowning. Basic mood of most Twin Citians: the murderous icy rage of Lenin combined with the devil-may-care spirit of Sylvia Plath.

July. Average temperature: 193 degrees. Amount of rain in entire month: insufficient to moisten a mite's eye.

August. Average temperature: the planet Mercury, at noon, on the equator, wearing a parka and woolen underwear over a layer of herring-flecked lard paste. Amount of water that's fallen so far: 300 pounds. Really! Well, that was when Uncle Frank fell out of the window attempting to get the air conditioner in. He's 97 percent water, right? So 300 pounds, then.

The rest of this particular Backfence column by James Lileks is also funny, there's a bit that made me laugh out loud which I didn't quote. So go forth and read the rest, sez I.

By the way-- a cold front arrived yesterday. So it's only in the '70s today. Yay! It's wonderful.